


Waiting For You

by lamujerarana



Category: Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: 1960s, Character Study, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 04:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10779666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamujerarana/pseuds/lamujerarana
Summary: Johnny's feelings about Spidey are...complicated. He's drawn to the guy for reasons he can't explain and is too afraid to let himself think about, so he tries his best to hide how he feels behind sneers and insults. But when Spidey runs out in the middle of a fight with the Green Goblin and the press calls him a coward, Johnny finds it difficult to keep up the pretense.Set during the events of ASM #17-18.





	Waiting For You

Johnny’s been moping in front of the television in the Baxter Building for the last few days, listening endlessly to all of the wild speculation as to why Spidey vanished in the middle of a fight with the Green Goblin.

The consensus seems to be that Spidey is a coward. J. Jonah Jameson is having a field day, every vicious lie he’s ever told about Spidey vindicated.

They’ve been gleefully playing the footage of Spidey fleeing the scene on a loop for days.

Personally, Johnny refuses to believe any of it. He was there in the crowd at Spidey’s disastrous first fan club meeting, so he saw it all with his own two eyes, and he still can’t believe it. No, he _won’t_ believe it, no matter what everyone says.

Sure, the guy rubs him the wrong way. He has this uncanny knack for saying exactly the wrong thing.

There's also the fact that Spidey’s been getting a lot of press lately, and what really rankles is that Johnny can detect respect in the way many reporters are talking about him.

Even Reed seems to grudgingly admire Spidey’s stubborn penchant for independence and self-reliance.

Johnny can’t stand the way everyone fawns all over Spidey like he’s so great and yet completely ignores Johnny, unless it’s a tacked-on comment to something about the rest of the Fantastic Four.

Johnny’s sick of constantly being overshadowed, belittled, and bossed around by his teammates. It must be nice to be able to strike out and be your own man, damn what anyone else thinks.

Reed, Ben, and, most of all, Sue still treat Johnny as though he’s somewhere around ten years old, even though he’s currently approaching seventeen. In a few months, anyways.

He gets that he was ten when Reed and Ben met him the first time. He gets that they’re a lot older. He doesn’t get why they can’t see that he’s grown up now.

He isn’t a ten-year-old kid anymore. He certainly doesn’t _feel_ like one after everything he’s been through.

So the fact that Spidey’s getting treated the way Johnny’s always wanted to be treated, getting to live the life Johnny wants—yeah, he gets steamed about it sometimes.

And then he’ll come face to face with Spidey, who’ll continually treat him as though he’s stupid and worthless and a joke and a freak and nothing without his teammates, without his powers—everything, in other words, he’s secretly afraid is true—and, well, Johnny can’t help it. His hot head gets the better of him.

But beneath all of that rivalry and anger, there’s always been this…spark of interest between them. Johnny feels drawn to Spidey for reasons he can’t explain and certainly can’t stop.

Every time he catches a glimpse of Spidey swinging through city, his heart begins to race. He’s been telling himself it’s because the guy really gets his goat, but there’s a part of him that knows that’s not true.

These feelings started long before his first fight with Spidey. They started the first time Spidey sought him out and talked to him, and there was no rancor whatsoever on either side then, only respect and admiration. Spidey’d swung in through Johnny’s window, told him he caught Doc Ock, and thanked him for his help—Johnny still, to this day, has no idea how exactly he helped Spidey—and Johnny hasn’t been able to stop thinking about him since.

There’s this picture of Spidey in an old _Time_ magazine that Johnny has lying around, and Johnny takes it out and stares at it sometimes, traces the lines of Spidey’s mask with the tips of his fingers, wonders what Spidey looks like under that mask, what could…could happen if he ever took it off. That’s as far as Johnny ever dares let himself go in his fantasies.

Some truths he is simply not prepared to confront.

It’s stupid, he tells himself. Just a—a weird fixation he’s developed. He gets them sometimes. There are pictures of Ricky Nelson, Frankie Avalon, Tab Hunter, and Paul Anka plastered all over his bedroom wall, evidence of Johnny’s past fixations.

Sue thinks that they’re there because Johnny wants to be as popular as they are, that they’re some kind of role models, but Johnny’s not so sure. He… _likes_ looking at them. Likes it so much it scares him sometimes. Do all boys feel this way? Is it normal to feel like this? Is this something he’s supposed to shove down and never talk about with anyone?

Johnny wishes he could ask someone, but he’s too afraid of what could happen if he brought it up. He loves Reed, Sue, and Ben and trusts them with his life, but can he trust them with this? Will they still love him if it turns out he’s a freak in more ways than one? Could he bear losing the only family he’s ever known? Would it be worth it? What would Johnny stand to gain?

Can Johnny even handle being a superhero and a—a—

No. He still hasn’t been able to even say the word to himself. He’s too afraid.

That fear is part of, if he’s being very honest, why he’s been pushing Spidey away so hard. He doesn’t want it to be true. He doesn’t want to be…that. He doesn’t want to feel the way Spidey makes him feel. It’s the last thing he wants. He wants to be normal.

He already turns into living flame. Can’t he just—just be normal in one way?

Sometimes he’s afraid that the cosmic rays that changed him in more ways than one. What if they also affected his mind or his hormones or something? Why if they’re why he feels like this?

He’s tried to make himself feel normal things for Spidey. That’s why he’s forced himself to hate him, but…it isn’t working. He knows it isn’t working.

He likes to give the guy a hard time, sure, but he still wants to be his—his _friend_ , he guesses? Wants to be near him, any way he can. He can’t stop himself, no matter how much he wants to.

He gets angry at himself for not being able to stop feeling like this sometimes, and, sure, he ends up taking some of that out on Spidey.

Why can’t he feel something normal for Spidey? Why can’t he bring himself to hate the guy? Everything would be so much simpler if he did.

But he doesn’t. He’s been trying and trying, but he can’t seem to make himself genuinely hate him. No matter how much of an act he puts on.

It’s an act he’s afraid people will see through it. Spidey, the FF, the press—he’s afraid someone will notice that the way he feels about Spidey is wrong. So he pretends to hate him, loudly and repeatedly. Makes sure everyone knows about his feud with Spidey.

It’s when J. Jonah Jameson is on the television, grinning and gloating like Spidey turning out to be a coward is the best thing that’s ever happened to him, that Johnny can’t pretend anymore. He shoots out a vindictive stream of fire and melts the television’s power cord. The black-and-white image fades with sizzle.

“That’s it!” he fumes. He doesn’t care who hears. He’s boiling over with so much rage that he has to vent it somewhere. “I can’t take anymore of that grinning ape! I’d rather Dr. Doom reading nursery rhymes to the kiddies! I tell you, Benjamin, there’s more to this than meets the eye! I just know Spidey isn’t a coward!”

Ben’s characteristically skeptical. “Sure! Sure!” he scoffs from his armchair. He doesn’t seem to think there’s anything amiss in Johnny’s reaction other than naiveté. “And you still hang up your little wooly stockin’ for Santa Claus, too!”

“Knock it off, big buddy!” Johnny snaps. Can’t Ben see this is the most serious thing that has ever happened? This is no time for gags! “I’m serious! Why would a fella that’s risked his life a dozen times against the toughest odds suddenly turn yellow??” he says, trying to convince himself too. No. He _knows_. He knows Spidey isn’t a coward. He just can’t be. Johnny can’t be that wrong about him. “Remember…I’ve seen him in action…and he’s one of the best!”

He’s afraid for a moment that someone will notice that he feels far too passionately about this, and begin to wonder why. Can they tell?

Those fears are quelled when Reed intercedes, voice placid and rational as always. He, at least, didn’t notice, although Johnny’s rather less enthused by the quizzical way Sue’s frowning at him. “I’m inclined to agree with you, Johnny! People don’t change their basic natures without good cause! As for Spider-Man, I wonder…”

Johnny can’t handle the uncertainty anymore. He needs to know, which means he has to talk to Spidey.

He dives out of the window, shouts, “Flame on!” and shoots into the sky, where he writes a message for Spidey—for the whole city—to see, a sign of his faith in Spider-Man and a condemnation of the city’s readiness to turn on one of its heroes: “SPIDER-MAN MEET ME AT OUR LAST MEETING PLACE.”

Spidey’ll know what that means. Their last team-up against that art thief. Spidey, that swellheaded showoff, shone his Spidey beacon off of the Statue of Liberty’s torch to summon Johnny, another kind of torch, there. That guy thinks he’s so hilarious.

Johnny flies to the Statue of Liberty, sits himself down on her crown, and waits.

And waits.

And waits.

And waits.

He waits until the sky begins to lighten, until the pale morning sun begins to peek above the horizon. That’s when Johnny finally accepts that Spidey isn’t coming.

“If he didn’t come by now,” he thinks, “he’s just not coming! But why?? Even if he didn’t see my message, he must have heard about it! It was sure to be mentioned in the papers, or on radio and TV! Why didn’t he come? Has something really changed him?”

Despair takes hold of Johnny’s soul. He feels as though he has lost something precious, something that can never be replaced. He thinks and thinks about what it might be, and then he realizes—he is mourning for the…friendship he might have had with Spidey.

Somewhere in the darkest recesses of his heart, he’s always believed that one day he and Spidey would overcome their differences. That there, in Spidey, he would find the one person who could truly understand him, a kindred spirit, and perhaps then he could stop feeling so alone and miserable and _different_ all the time.

It isn’t going to happen now. Johnny’s going to be alone forever. Spidey was his only hope.

Johnny’s eyes are prickling. He buries his face in the arms he has wrapped around his raised knees and tries not to cry. He doesn’t want to be this way anymore.

That’s probably why he doesn’t hear the soft thud of Spidey’s feet landing behind him.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears Spidey say, no small amount of surprise in his voice, “You’re still here. I thought—I thought you would’ve left by now. Don’t know why I came to check.”

Johnny scrubs furiously at his eyes before he turns around. He doesn’t want Spidey to know he was crying. It’s too mortifying.

He finds Spidey standing a few feet away from him, face unreadable beneath his mask.

Johnny forces himself to smile cavalierly. “Yeah, y’know, didn’t want you to think I ran out on you. Unlike some people.”

Spidey stiffens as though he’s been slapped. “I had my reasons for doing that,” he snarls, hands curling into angry fists. “You don’t believe what they’re saying about me, do you? I’m not a coward, no matter what anyone says. I’ve never been one.”

Oh, no. This isn’t going well at all. Johnny can’t help pissing Spidey off, can he? He always says the wrong thing. “Why’d you run away then?” he says miserably. “Why’d you run out on me in the middle of a fight?”

Johnny won’t lie. He felt deeply betrayed when he realized what’d happened. How could Spidey have done that to Johnny? Johnny thought there was a kind of trust between them. That they’d always have each other’s backs, no matter what. Apparently, he was wrong. That hurt more than anything.

“It wasn’t about you,” Spidey says. He folds his arms across his chest. There’s a stubborn jut to his chin. “Or the fight. I just—Torchy, I had my reasons.”

Johnny pushes himself to his feet and dusts himself off. There’s a light sprinkle of dew in his hair. “Good ones, I hope? Was someone’s life in danger or something?”

“Yeah,” Spidey says. “And I was the only person who could do something about it. Besides, I knew a tough guy like you could take a joker like the Goblin.”

Johnny nods, relieved. “Okay,” he says. It all adds up, he thinks. “I believe you.”

Maybe it isn’t smart. Maybe he shouldn’t. He can’t help himself at all where Spidey’s concerned, it seems.

Spidey’s hands clench and unclench. “You do?” he says like he doesn’t believe it. “Just like that?”

Johnny nods. “Just like that.” He licks his lips. He probably shouldn’t say this, but— “I never thought you were a coward in the first place. I knew it had to be something. Ask Benjy if you don’t believe me.”

There’s a quizzical tilt to Spidey’s head as he examines Johnny.

Johnny wishes he could see his face and get some idea of what he’s thinking. He can feel his cheeks start to grow hot beneath the scrutiny. He hates how easily he blushes. Why didn’t he have the foresight of adding a mask to his costume?

He lets his eyes fall to the ground and keeps them fixed there.

It’s a surprise when he feels a pair of soft, warm lips pressing against his cheek. Johnny’s eyes fly wide open. He claps a hand to his face, to the spot Spidey kissed, and feels precisely as though he was struck by a bolt of lightning. He felt that kiss all the way down to his toes.

He wants Spidey to do it again, and he doesn’t know how he feels about that.

“Don’t get excited,” Spidey grumbles, waving a hand and stepping backward as he yanks his mask back down. Johnny can’t stop staring at his mouth, at those pink lips that he wants to—wants to—he doesn’t let himself think it. “It’s just a thank-you. For believing in me and waiting here for me and all of that.” He pauses. His voice turns uncertain, his words fumbling. This is, undoubtedly, new territory for them both. “It was, uh, nice of you. You didn’t…have to. Most people wouldn’t have.”

Johnny’s mouth works silently. “Oh,” he says faintly. “Well, uh, next time give a guy some warning.” He wants to enjoy the next one, thank you very much. “And you’re welcome.” He clears his throat. His heart is thundering away in his chest. “Hey. Do you maybe want to go get breakfast somewhere? We could…talk. Or something.”

Maybe— just maybe—Spidey will kiss him again. Maybe together they can—Johnny begins to hope, for the first time in a long time, that everything’s going to be okay. Maybe he’ll learn to stop hating himself. Maybe…maybe he’ll even get lucky enough to be happy, someday.

Johnny could swear that Spidey’s smiling underneath that mask. “Yeah,” he says. “I think I’d like that.”


End file.
